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Journal entries from June 2008.
Alright, enough fiddling with the new software. As of right now, Don't Look Down is up and running, though not online yet. And in a few moments Retrograde Motionless will be officially dead. Ironic that my first blogged action over here at Kill the Future would be the death of the past, but it does make a much easier target.
Three hours more of fiddling with the new software after saying I was done fiddling with it, and I'm finally pretty happy about how I've got it.
Something I forgot to mention: for the first time since I got the comments up and running on my previous blog (probably within its first month), there's no way to leave comments. I don't know whether there's a TiddlyWiki extension that will do that, but I haven't even looked. We're gonna try it this way for a while. And since I don't plan on telling anyone I'm here for a while either, it's going to be a long while indeed before I reconsider the comments.
Seems odd to put up just a link when there's no one reading. Actually it seems weird to do any of this when no one's reading, but at some point someone will browse back to now in the archive.
http://cracked.com
I highly recommend everything in the cracked.com blog tagged "That bitch who plays Hannah Montana".
So I mentioned earlier that I recently broke up with my girlfriend of over a year. Her name is Leah, and it was the best breakup of all time. Unlike previous breakups I've had where "let's stay friends" was code for "please, God, don't let us run into each other anywhere by accident", Leah and I actually are friends. It's not easy, mostly because I've had over a year of training that says when she looks pretty (always) I should tell her and then kiss her, which I can't do anymore, but we do get along really well, and I, at least, am I lot happier without the burden of having a Relationship weighing down our relationship. I think she is too.
I still feel weird sitting here talking to myself. And I think I've got this set up except for replacing the stylesheets, which is going to take me for-fuck-ever, since I hate/suck at graphic design. Maybe it's time to tell people I'm here.
So, I have an LJ Feed now, thanks to Brendan, who is also my first audience member.
Hello, Brendan! How are you enjoying the show? Is the reception okay all the way out in Portland?
The results are finally in!
Votes for me: 1
Abstentions: 5,263,592,999 (approx.)
So, as the only candidate to receive any votes, I am now officially Mayor of the Internet!
So my room is a hideous mess.
No. Stop. Do not pretend your room is as bad as mine. Your room looks like it got hit by a tornado, you say? My room looks like it was hit by the Great Red Spot of Jupiter. If my room were online, and thus under my jurisdiction, I would declare it a disaster zone and ask the president (Al Gore?) to send in the National Guard (4-chan? As Mayor, I really should know these things.)
There's a constant conflict between the [[ob-com|Ob-Com]] and procrastinating factions in my brain, which usually balances out pretty much. But when "I'll just set this down here and take care of it later" gets too far ahead of "Everything in it's right place", the scale of the cleaning operation becomes fuel for the pro-procrastination faction's arguments, and things gradually slide out of hand until I end up living in what non-experts often mistake for my sister's room.
As long as I was dating Leah, I could get away with having a huge pile of clean laundry on the floor (a huge pile of assorted junk blocks access to the dresser), since she already knew that was what my room was like and had resigned herself to it as a trade-off against my good points (for example, I very rarely pee on the carpet). However, as a single man again, I now face the daunting prospect of tricking some poor innocent girl into thinking that I would be a good person with whom to spend large quantities of time, sometimes while naked. No small feat, but I think having a room that has a hollow bit in the middle to move around in (preferably adjacent to the door) would be a big help.
So here's the plan:
''Step One'' This coming Tuesday (June 17th) will be my first day off since May 30th due to our currently being understaffed in the projection booth after one of the projectionists got fired for doing something stupid which I'm not going to talk about, since it isn't my business, and on that day, I will clear enough of the floor of my room that I can get into my dresser and put my clothes away, and I //will// put my clothes away, and I will do laundry, and put those clothes away too. And maybe (doubtfully) I will clean some more after that.
''Step Two'' Clean the rest of it eventually, and hope my copy of Diablo II shows up somewhere along the way so I can join in on the "Let's all play Diablo II; it'll be awesome!" plan without shelling out $40.
That's the plan.
Why the hell am I still chewing this gum? My jaws are really starting to hurt.
Okay, first official Mayoral Proclamation:
Cute girls I ask out are not allowed to already have boyfriends.
Alright, the plan was pretty much a success, I'm not quite done with the laundry, but I can get to my dresser, and my dresser has quite a few clothes in it now.
I decided now would be a good time to cull my large collection of t-shirts too, since I have pretty much every free shirt from every event I've been to since '99, this would follow nicely on my recent culling of underwear and socks that have holes, and unlike the underwear and sock genocides, the things that are left will be interesting. (The most interesting thing about the sock genocide was that I bought too many replacement socks, so now I have a massive sock surplus.) And since I was thinking about shirts, I bought a three-pack (<html><a href="http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=DC-PREENACT">1</a> <a href="http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=BEAT-GLASSES">2</a> <a href="http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=WIGU-LOCHNESS">3</a></html>) from Topatoco with some money I was owed. They are pretty.
I also ended up buying a new copy of Diablo II after I remembered that by previous copy had actually been borrowed from a friend. And tomorrow I am buying a car. A 1996 Nissan Altima with a broken od/speedometer. It is pretty exciting.
Also exciting: Diablo II tonight at eight. Brendan, as my only audience member, I am inviting you. 8 Eastern is what? 5 Pacific? And it's 3 right now, so it's in two hours. Or, no, wait, I'll still be at work then. How does that work? Whatever. You are invited to come click on things until they die with me and some friends. You are also invited not to come if you have other things to do or something. It is pretty whatever. We we all be starting new characters, so you have a chance to get in on the ground floor. Limited time offer. It will be a good investment. You will get 400% back, guaranteed. And now I'm just rambling.
Alvin Lucier is amazing. I listened to "I am sitting in a room" five times yesterday, and now I have to buy //<html><a href="http://www.lovely.com/titles/cd1019.html">Clocker</a></html>// next payday. (Despite the tag, it's not really "music" so much as "sound art" (as he admits), but a "sound art" tag seems much less useful than a "music" tag, and the line can get fuzzy (e.g. Caroliner (Oh, I have to talk about Caroliner sometime. They are crazy.)))
Unrelatedly, this is my eleventh post, meaning my first post just dropped off the front page. Whoo!
''EDIT 080814:'' Tag changed from "music" to "sound" as part of a broader generalization of tags.
Man, fuck Thursdays. I am going to bed.
I guess I have a car now, though. That is something.
So, in retrospect, waking to the mall and back (half an hour each way) right before work was probably a bad idea. And what did I get out of it? I got to be reminded how much I hate the mall bookstore.
They have never once had the book I was looking for. They probably had //The Chronicles of Narnia// (with shiny new "Now a major motion picture!" covers, no doubt) (I didn't check), but otherwise they didn't have any C.S. Lewis. They only Philip K. Dick they had was //A Scanner Darkly//. They had no Richard Matheson other than //I am Legend// (again, with shiny new "Now a major motion picture!" cover). They had almost nothing that wasn't part a long series of novels I didn't care enough to read.
Attention science-fiction/fantasy writers: Stop writing endless series of books. You have almost no chance of convincing me the quality of your eight book (and counting) epic fucking masterpiece is worth the amount of time it would take me to read it, especially since we both know you're going to die before you write a conclusion. Sell me a single book, and if it's good, you'll have better luck selling me a single other book. And if you absolutely //have// to write more than one book about a group of characters, why not stop at two? There's really no need to stretch that shit out into another volume. Just because Dante and Tolkein did it doesn't make it magic. There is nothing special about trilogies, they are just three times longer than a single book. That is all.
And speaking of //I am Legend//, what the hell happened when they were making that movie? Go watch <html><a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4050675069536850106&hl=en">the original ending of the movie</a></html>. Now, it's still nowhere near as good as the book's ending, but it's a huge step in the right direction.
Anyhow, in the end I walked away with a copy of //Something Wicked This Way Comes//, since my previous copy got lost in [[the fire|The Fire]]. I also bought a smoothie from the place across the street from the mall. It was delicious.
I just got to deliberately cause a projector problem. That's a nice change of pace.
So here's the big serious post I've been putting off making for three and a half years. The password on my livejournal for a long time was derived from the phrase "tell it all", and being too afraid to make this post made that a lie. That's the biggest reason my old blog is dead. So here goes:
When I was 18, I grabbed the breasts of three different girls while they were sleeping. I am (and was) well aware that this is not an okay thing to do. Two of them pressed charges, to which I pled guilty, and since one of them was four days underage at the time, I am now a convicted child molester. Fortunately, I have first offender status which means that when my five years of probabation end (mid-December 2009) this will be wiped from my record.
This was the family emergency that necessitated my sudden move to Santa Fe. This is also the reason I moved back. (My dad moved to New Orleans to attend Tulane, and I wasn't allowed to remain there with no family in the state.) This is the reason I do not come when you go swimming and why I was not part of the plan to go to that concert in Tennessee. This is the reason I still live with my parents (I am not allowed to live within 1,000 feet of a swimming pool, playground, or school bus stop; which rules out, among most other things, every apartment complex in the entire world.) This is the reason I claim to dislike children. This is the reason I never go to church.
And now that I've said that, I've set myself a deadline for telling people I'm here, because if I don't do it before this drops off the front page, it defeats the purpose of making this post.
So when I was at Ace Hardware getting not-rusted screws to attach my license plate to my new car, I saw some vinyl sticker letters, and it occurred to me that I could use them to basically create my own bumper sticker. So now the question is, what do I want it to say? Suggestions?
Current front-runner:
Smile: the end is nigh.
(I want to avoid profanity, because I don't want to be <html><a href="http://hourofknowledge.com">the cause of children asking "Mommy, what does 'impotent' mean?"</a></html>)
Hello, people on my livejournal friends list. Welcome to my new place.
Please, pardon the mess. I am not totally moved in yet.
I've got Portishead's "Glory Box" stuck in my head, which isn't a big deal since it's one of my favorite songs, but I do look a little odd wandering around singing "I just wanna be a woman."
Only one and a half times is pathetic. Let's give that another try, shall we?
Twuhbelve hobundrobed woberds abah dobay.
''My short-term to do list:''<html><ul><li>Styrofoam sounds like Postal Service</li>
<li>Bittersweet "Moment" awesome</li>
<li>post-apocalyptic oral fiction</li>
<li>car insurance</li>
<li>license screws</li>
<li>sushi</li>
<li>1,200</li>
<li>massage</li>
<li>blood</li></ul></html>
But all of that can wait until tomorrow. Right now, I have to eat this lasagna, drink this iced tea, watch //The Signal// and go to bed. Night!
Wait, it's Sunday already? When did that happen?
I've finally figured out Portishead's new album, //Third//. It sounds like sleep deprivation. Well, not so much at the beginning, it moves more and more in that direction as it goes on. You can't tell me that "Small" isn't what your head sounds like at three in the morning. (Don't just listen to the first thirty seconds and disagree. Wait until it starts weirding out about two and a half minutes in, but don't just skip to that part either.) Or try the end of "Threads" where Gibbons's voice fades out and leaves you alone with that echoing bass for a full minute.
Journal entries from July 2008.
I never get tired of //Under the Pink//, but I rarely listen to any other Tori Amos even though there are songs on other albums that I like more than all of //Under the Pink// combined. "Spark", in particular. I guess it's just because that was the first one I heard.
I seem to have a weakness for small women^^1^^, even when their personalities are annoying and/or they are twice my age. (I'm not confessing to a midget fetish, you understand. I just like short girls.)
In the unlikely event that you are the co-worker of mine who inspired this post, please note that the person twice my age (or more accurately, who was roughly my twice age when I knew her) is also the person with the horrible personality. I like you just fine, but I don't think we should date. I'm pretty sure you agree with this assessment.^^2^^ (In the even more unlikely event that you are the former co-worker of mine who I //was// talking about when I mentioned the girl with the annoying personality... Um... You are an excellent salesperson? So obviously most people don't find you annoying. Sorry.)
^^1^^ "Women" is used here in the place of "girls", despite my preference for the later term, because "small girls" has a specific meaning that differs greatly from what I'm talking about.
^^2^^ Especially with you having that boyfriend and all.
I've been attending yoga classes twice a week for five weeks now, (Yes, I know this is the first time I've mentioned it.) and two of those weeks I missed classes entirely because I was working every day, but I just bent over, knees straight, and I could touch the floor. Granted, only with the tips of my middle fingers, and I couldn't keep in touch with it for long (though I did hold the position best I could for a count of sixty), but that's better than when I started.
I started it as just a exercise thing, and I kept going because I'd already paid, and I wanted to get my money's worth, but after the trip the YEHA group took Sunday to Amicalola Falls, I'm think I'm really starting to enjoy it.
I know you know I'm upset that you started smoking again. You wouldn't have tried to hide it otherwise, but I want you to understand why. Or I just want to explain why, since I don't think you read this. I'll point you here next time I see you.
My dad has smoked my entire life. Apparently he didn't for a while after my sister and I were born, but he's smoked as long as I can remember. And as long as I can remember, I've known that smoking would kill him. Every time I hear him cough, I've known that was how he was going to die. In a hospital bed. Uncontrollably hacking up blood. Consumed with pain.
When someone I care about smokes, I see them dying and in pain. I see myself totally unable to help them. I see how much I'm going to miss my father when he dies. I see twenty years of failed attempts to save my father's life ending in hopelessness and resignation that I can do nothing to avert his agonizing death.
I want you to understand: I love my father. If I were only allowed to talk to one other person for the rest of my life, it would be him.
I want you to understand: I perceive you smoking again as I a sign that I have failed another person monumentally. That if had I done something differently, you wouldn't have to feel your charred lungs' endless agonizing struggle for oxygen. That I wouldn't have to watch you die.
Maybe I won't show you this. That's a lot to lay on a person. And I can't help but feel like I lost the right to comment on your life two months ago.
Well, fuck you then. Go drink till you puke yourself hollow. Then you'll have more space for your fucking cigarette smoke. Suck that shit down. Or hell, just eat the fuckers. That'll save you some of your precious fucking time, and you won't even have to go outside to do it.
... Damn, I wish I meant that. It'd be so much easier.
Those of you playing along at home: don't worry. I'm done. We're moving on to something else. Tomorrow. When I can think in colors other than dark red and pale blue.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go watch //Gilmore Girls//. Yeah, without you. Look at that! I just saved you some more fucking valuable time! You can use it to over-prepare and stress out. Have a fucking ball.
So how is everyone today? Good? Good. I know I feel better.
I think today I'm gonna work on the <html><a href="http://machineofdeath.net">Machine of Death</a></html> stories I've got floating around since that anthology was happening. I've gotta edit "Broken Heart" into better shape than the unfortunate one I submitted it in, and I think I've finally got "Piano Wire" close to a shape that will fit on paper. I think today, though, I'm going to listen to some <html><a href="http://quietplease.org">Quiet, Please</a></html> and try to get down "Giant Monster" (That's the working title. Final title will probably be "Crushed Underfoot" or "Swallowed Whole".) Circumstances permitting, I can get some of that done at work tonight.
Tuesday, since I have the day off, and no one else does, The War for Tidiness will continue. This time I'll be fighting a glorious battle to get rid of all the crap around and on my desk. Honestly, I'm not expecting to win this one, but I'm gonna go down fighting. Don't cry when I'm gone, because only those who fall in battle can enter Valhalla, and if Odin's seen my room, I'm sure this will be good enough to get me in.
And then I got all pissed off all over again. I suppose this is a good time to introduce everyone to Crabgrass.
Crabgrass is my ~Screwtape-Letters-style personal demon, and in true Screwtape Letter style, I've given him a compound word for a name. Just so we're clear: he's metaphoric. I do not actually believe in him.
I'm genetically inclined toward depression, and I absolutely refuse to take antidepressants, so instead I invented Crabgrass, because it's much easier to argue with someone else than with yourself, even if the other person is actually you. He's a tricky bastard, though, and I don't always win against him. Sometimes, I lose even when I think I won, and I don't realize it until later. Over time, he's proven to be more versatile than just a symbol of my depression. He's always there when I need him, and he's frequently there when I wish he wasn't. Especially at this point in my life, because, what with the endless fucking shit I have to deal with as a result of [[my past stupidity|2008-06-20 (Fri) 22:50]], he's never far away.
Honestly, I don't know how to explain him, but I think I've done about as well as I can, and if you'll excuse me now, I have to go take a legally mandated thirty minute break. Ostensibly for lunch, but I'm just gonna go stare at the sky.
The sky was boring. All clouds too thick to see through. Too dimly lit orange-grey to see, themselves.
So I suppose it's time to explain why I've been crazy recently.
The short answer, you probably guessed, is a girl. My ex-girlfriend, Leah, specifically. The long answer is, well, with all the explanations of con- and subtext, it's pretty freakin' long. So long that I've made it a separate article.
[[The Post-Break-Up Break-Up]]
There's probably a forthcoming post where I talk about ~Myers-Briggs again, and how it relates to this, but maybe I'll get over it.
''EDIT:''
(From the comments)
//Brendan://
Wheeler. Baby.
Is a paraphrase-transcript with this many justification-footnotes really something you want posted online?
//Me://
Not really, no. But neither is [[this|2008-06-20 (Fri) 22:50]]. It is too late for second thoughts now. We are staying the course. We have broken off the rudder.
Honesty is the goal. An honest record of the subjective truth. And when I am an ugly person, honesty is more important, because it is harder. I'd rather use the actual text of her email, but I honestly don't feel good about it. Sentence by sentence paraphrasing was the best compromise I could come up with.
Besides, being so close up, I see very little justification. And isn't that the point of blogging? The differences in perspective? Not just between me and other people, but between me and future me?
I have a lot of good reasons to be depressed right now. I did even before this with Leah, what with the three and a half years of probation I've been ground through so far. And Crabgrass is making good use of this ammunition, as he always does.
But it's hard to be depressed with my arm out the window of a moving car. And it's hard to be depressed when I'm looking at the sky. And it's hard to be depressed when the air turns from hot to cool and the rain begins to fall.
Now seems to be a time for revisiting old favorite story (or new favorite in some cases) more than for sorting through the vast sea of story not yet encountered. //World War Z//, //House of Leaves//, //Cowboy Bebop//, //Star Trek: the Next Generation//, //Princess Mononoke//. //Watchmen// is next, the trailer having reminded me how much I love it. As soon as I can find it, of course... And I need to start //100 Bullets// from the beginning again to see how it starts in the context of how it progresses from there.
Phase 2 of The War for Tidiness commences tomorrow, since I didn't even attempt it last time, consumed as I was with anger and despair. Be nice if those two weren't such close friends.
<html><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowboy_Bebop#Live-Action_Movie">Oh, and speaking of <i>Cowboy Bebop</i>...</a></html>
Journal entries from August 2008.
Fuck!
The theater I work for was just recently bought by a new theater, and this was the first payday under the new management. Because of that, I don't get direct deposit this paycheck, and because I have a fucking internet bank in Pennsylvania, since they have much better interest rates than anyone local, it takes a few days for my check to get deposited. Days I did not account for.
On Monday I have to pay $50 for my bullshit group therapy that I'm required to take as part of my probation, on Tuesday I have to pay $150 for a bullshit polygraph test that I have to take as part of my group therapy, and in the meantime, my car's pretty much running on fumes. And I've got $17.xx^^1^^ in the bank until my $600-ish of checks clear.
Peppermint is failing to calm me down.
Alright. I've got enough money around to cover my gas. I can take that off the list. I can not pay the $50 this week for just a $10 fee. The $150, on the other hand, is pretty much non-negotiable, since it's a cash up-front deal, and if I push the appointment back past the 7th the price doubles.
Well, the 7th gives me two extra days, which should be enough time for the checks. So I guess that's the plan, then. Take the $10 hit on the therapy bill, scrounge for gas, push the polygraph back two days, and pray for rain. Alright.
Alright.
In that case, I guess it's time for bed.
^^1^^This isn't a normal state of affairs for me, in case you were wondering, but I just dropped $550-ish for car repair shortly after $1800 for the car itself.
So last night Leah showed up at Rocky. It was the first time I'd seen her since our fight.
We didn't talk, or acknowledge each other at all, or even get close enough that not acknowledging each other was awkward, but I found myself wishing that she would say something to me. Anything. Even if she was angry and yelling. Even just eye contact.
I said to Ceez shortly after Leah's and my fight that I was probably still in love with her or it wouldn't hurt this much, and damned if I wasn't right. I wouldn't go back to the way things were for a second. I made the right decision telling her not to talk to me anymore, and I wouldn't change it. But I still wish it was different.
They^^1^^ say "there is no last straw. There is only hay." It's clever and it sounds like it should be true, but I don't think it actually is. One of the straws is usually^^2^^ the last one, but I think it's partially true in that which straw ends up being the one on the pile of hay that finally tips the scales^^3^^ is somewhat arbitrary. If that particular thing hadn't happened, something else would have. When the hay starts to pile up faster than it can be pitched away, the last one is inevitable. In this particular instance, however, her comment was more than straw. Calling me unsupportive was the camel that broke the straw.
I am still furious, confused, and deeply hurt by that comment. So much so that on at least four occasions I have talked about it to people that are more acquaintances of mine than friends. So much so that I've digressed extensively from what I was trying to say to talk about it again.
She was there, and we didn't talk, but seeing her brought all this back to the forefront of my mind, and I went to bed tense and joyless.
Four hours later I woke up. I crawled into my clothes and swallowed some breakfast and headed out the door to a 9am yoga class I had agreed to attend. I listened to Sigur Rós's album //Von// on the way out to Roswell^^4^^ and arrived about ten minutes late, just in time to catch the end of warming up, and then we danced around crazy like idiots for a solid thirty minutes before we switched to learning the dance we were actually there to learn (for a fundraiser Tuesday).
After class, as I changed into my work uniform, worn out and elated, I decided "to hell with Leah".
So I think I've crossed over from earth through fire to water, which is where I belong.
<html><a href="http://www.asofterworld.com/bw-display.php?id=2">Joey Comeau's interview with his brother Adrian</a></html> was well timed for me. Adrian has interesting things to say about the end of a romance.
Also, "Like most Artists visual or literary, there is an underlined fear of being too honest or straight forward with my work. It is like people will know you’re full of shit if you say what is really going on in your head. So you explain these things in the dimmest way possible, if you explain at all." -Adrian Comeau, from the linked interview. Now reread the paragraph above the link. Please call me on this shit in the future.
Definitions^^5^^:<html><ul><li>Earth - Immobility, especially inability to move forward, though backward isn't possible either.</li>
<li>Fire - Anger, a source of great energy, destructive and, if properly used, creative. Dies when its fuel is gone.</li>
<li>Water - Adaptability. Flexibility. Dealing with things as they arrive.</li></ul></html>(Note that water can become earthily immobile by freezing, and then returns to its liquid state through the application of fire. This is the process I'm describing, "earth" actually being a double metaphor. Please don't read anything along the lines of "cold-hearted" out of my use of the word "freezing". Anger is a hot emotion, and sadness is a cold one.)
^^1^^I can't definitively source the quote, but I first read it in //House of Leaves//, and nothing I pulled up on Google leads me to believe that the quote predates it, so tentative credit to Mark Z. Danielewski.
^^2^^I say "usually" rather than "always" because, while one definitely must come last chronologically, it's not necessarily the idiomatic "last straw", which is what I'm talking about here.
^^3^^Apologies for the mixed metaphor throughout this paragraph, but I expect you can follow it easily enough, and I don't actually care enough to fix it, just enough to write this footnote.
^^4^^About a twenty minute trip.
^^5^^"These don't necessarily bear any relation to any standard mythological or symbolic interpretation of these elements.
I've started playing <html><a href="http://cantr.net">Cantr</a></html> again. (Technically Cantr 2, but Cantr 1 was an offline game the guy and his friends played with Legos, and the need to differentiate between the two is rare at best.)
Actually, I'm gonna go get lunch right now. Hang on a minute...
And now I'm busy. Okay, so to be continued, I guess.
So like I said //two weeks ago//, I've been playing <html><a href="http://cantr.net">Cantr</a> again. It's very slow, and for some reason they review every new account manually before approving it^^1^^, so it takes a while to start, and then it takes another while for a new character to get going, but it's totally worth the wait, maybe, depending on <html><a href="http://www.gamerdna.com/quizzes/bartle-test-of-gamer-psychology">what kind of gamer you are</a></html>^^2 3^^.
(Sticking with the Bartlet categories, here, since they seem pretty [[science|Science]].) It's almost a purely social game. There's not really anything concrete to achieve. ~PvP combat exists, but it's basically turn based, and since it takes in game years to get really good equipment under most circumstances it's not really worth it. And there was, early in the game, a lot to explore, but now there are maps of the continents freely available, so unless you've got a boat and a huge supply of food, which again, takes forever to get, there's not really anything to do in that category, and besides, it takes real-time days of your character walking alone down a road with nothing to do to get to the next town.
So now I've finally finished that, and next time I'll have something else to talk about.
^^1^^This is part of a larger problem with th game being run under a bullshit bureaucracy. Fortunately it doesn't really affect you as a player except for this and whenever there's a big bug.
^^2^^I'm E(-93, S-53,A-33, K-20), which is frequently annoying when I play multiplayer with my A best friend or his roommate, who I strongly suspect is K.
^^3^^If you just want to know about the test but not take it, you'll be wanting this link instead: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartle_Test
Journal entries from September 2008.
So, I didn't initially think I would be able to go to Dragon*Con this year, so I didn't request any time off work, meaning that later, when it turned out I //was// able to go I was already scheduled to work every day of the con. Fortunately, <html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4kuqfREZzk">I got the will to drive myself sleepless</a></html>^^1^^.
Completely unrelatedly, I've finally figured out after two hours that <html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z19F7dt3ARU">Tom Waits's "Diamonds and Gold"</a> reminds me of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne28N4HcaeI">Rasputina's "Dig Ophelia"</a></html>. That's been driving me crazy.^^2^^
You know what? While I'm throwing music at you, here's <html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqK1dE0FWo0">"A Dangerous Man" by Foxy Shazam</a></html>. If you like the song, and you get chance, go see them live. They're //amazing// live. The video conveys the energy of their live performance as well as it possibly can, but it's not the same at all.^^4^^
Anyhow, Dragon*Con.
Thursday I got off work at 6:30, and Ceez and I got snacks from Kroger, including a box of Frosted Flakes specifically requested by Burney on behalf of Naomi, then we took Marta down to pickup our tickets, and then while most everyone^^5^^ else went out and ate and did karaoke while Naomi and Burney hung out in the room^^6^^, and I went to sleep under the desk with a towel for a blanket.
The con didn't actually start until 1pm Friday, and I had to leave at 2pm to make sure I got to work in time, so Ceez and I just went and got lunch, and I left. I went to work; I got home at about 3am; I went back to work at 11 am; I got off at 6:30pm; I got back to the con at about 9pm.
After several plans to go to various things fell through because people were looking at the wrong days on the schedule, we went and watched //Teeth//, which was great without ever once doing anything unexpected. After that we went to a rave, and we danced for something ridiculous like six hours. I danced for a little while with a cute nerd girl from Florida who danced roughly the way I imagine ~T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics dances, which is to say gracelessly and with a strange angularity, but obviously enjoying herself. It was, when we finally stopped dancing and left, nearly 6am, and I had to leave a bit before 10am to get to work, so I got to sleep curled in the uncomfortable hotel room chair. I managed to wake up the minute before my cell phone alarm went off and shut it off so I wouldn't wake anyone else.
Nearly fell asleep at work several times; got back to the con at 8:30pm.
Sunday we debated the merits of waiting in line for three hours to see <html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnSPPnUPyLA">Mindless Self Indulgence</a></html>, and eventually decided we didn't really have anything else planned anyhow. Someone had brought Uno, and this is the part where I met Evan, though others had previously met him. I was the only one at the MSI concert in a <html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fczPlmz-Vug">Regina Spektor</a></html> t-shirt, I'm pretty sure. I rocked that shit.^^7^^ Also it was totally soaked through with sweat and my fingers pruned up, and it was fucking cold like that.
Everyone was hungry, even after raiding the con suite^^8^^, and the only places open that late we knew of were a ~McDonalds and the shitty diner, which I should have mentioned on Saturday, but rather than go back and edit it in, I'm just going to give it its own footnote (Number ten, down near the bottom, there.) So we asked the hotel people if there was anywhere else to eat, and it turned out there was another diner just a few blocks away, so the nine of us (Evan came, Paris and William were already sleeping) headed off through Atlanta at four in the morning in search of food. The diner turned out to be more like twenty blocks away, and along the way we encountered a woman with pupils like a startled cat's who, also like a cat, got down on all fours and crawled through the middle of our group. Regardless the service was good, the prices were low, and the food was delicious. Satisfied, we returned to the room and slept. (I slept under the desk again, but with a sheet stolen from one of the beds instead of a towel.)
Monday we packed hurriedly^^11^^, and left our room to take a quick tour of the art show before it shut down^^12^^, where I bought a print, then it was back to normal life, and I went to work again, and then slept through Tuesday, and now it is Wednesday, and I'm at work again.
My paycheck had better be fucking [[delicious|Delicious]].
^^1^^I realized recently that youtube is possibly the best way to share songs with the internet at large, since I don't have to illegally distribute the files. Of course, <html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%22on+mani%22+ooioo&search_type=&aq=f">they don't have everything</a></html>. Videos can be ignored or not according to personal preference. Honestly, I haven't even watched most of them.
^^2^^Waits lyrics with extremely vaguely recollected Rasputina lyrics superimposed in italics:
Mad as a hatter
You're thin as a dime^^3^^
Go out to the meadow
The hills are a-green
//something and something else
give us something//
Once "something else" resolved into "waterlogged" I had enough to google it.
^^3^^Apparently one of the members of Panic! at the Disco (Ryan Ross, whoever he is) has "Mad as a Hatter, Thin as a Dime" tattooed on his wrists (it;s also the name of his myspace, which prominently displays pictures of the tattoos), making one of the best parts of the song into trivia for Panic! fans instead of just something that's awesome. (I guess it speaks well of his musical taste, though.) Check the youtube comments on the video. Or better yet, never read youtube comments. It always ends in tragedy. I only read them because I was hoping someone would say the song reminded them of the song it reminded me of, so I could stop trying to figure out what that song was. What was I talking about originally? Oh, right. Dragon*Con. Back up to the body, then.
^^4^^Also recommended are "The Rocketeer" are "Red Cape Diver". If you listen to some of their other songs, and you find some that have shitty recordings and aren't live, that's from their poorly recorded first album.
^^5^^Everyone being me, Ceez, Burney, Naomi, Paris, William, Jessica, and Gary. We hung out with Harper and Michael a lot, but they were in a different room. Somewhere along the way a kid named Evan gets added to the mix. I'd never met him, but he seemed pretty cool. I guess I have to define all these people, but not tonight.
^^6^^We were in the Holiday Inn, a few blocks from the con proper, but well within the con's sphere of influence.
^^7^^See as yet unwritten piece on sincerity.
^^8^^I was so hungry, I ate cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches^^9^^ on white bread and enjoyed them. Just the thought of it now makes me a little sick.
^^9^^They originally had meat too, but I picked it off and gave it to my friends.
^^10^^They had severely abridged their menu for the late night crowd, which is fine, but they'd also raised all their prices $1-2, which is kind of a dick move, and to top it all off, the waiter was an asshole. He told the second of our two tables that they were all drinking water instead of asking, and added that we should all have our orders ready when he got back so he could get it over with. There was considerable debate on our part while he was gone about whether these prices were worth what those of us who had been to the diner before described at smallish portions of food. So when the waiter did come back, most everyone had decided it wasn't worth the cost, and Ceez was still debating it, so the waiter //grabbed his arm// and told him sarcastically that that was fine, he'd just go take care of something else while he was deciding. We promptly left.
^^11^^During this we discovered that the previously mentioned Frosted Flakes hadn't been opened because Naomi says they're too sweet to eat without milk, and she's going to take them home. "Hell no!" says I. "You don't get to tell us to bring you groceries," and when no one was looking, I stuffed them in my bag.
^^12^^Business cards acquired: <html><a href="http://crashoctopus.com">Meg Lyman</a> , <a href="http://runebooks.com">Chris Range</a>.
Also some guy was giving out cards at Marta for an Etsy store I don't remember the URL of, but I didn't particularly care for any of the stuff there anyhow.</html>
//Journal for the Suppression of Reality//, eh, Borges? *yoink*
For some reason I've got this set up so that, due to complicated things I don't care enough to explain, it's significantly easier to update this from work than from my house. Not really sure why I did that, but that's how it is. It wasn't a problem before, but my new work schedule only has me working three days a week, and one of those is at the other theater, where I can't internet, so I'm going to have to change my setup.
Despite only working three days, though, I work six shifts, so I get two extra days off and one extra shift. It is like magic! Plus I reduce my commuting by 40%ish. (It's inexact because the other theater is further away and sometimes I go somewhere other than straight home after work, or at least did, when "after work" wasn't 2am.)
You know I had a lot of things to say earlier, but hell if I can think of any of them now.
I have clean sheets, and you don't.
Journal entries from October 2008.
''A summation of //Neon Genesis Evangelion// via division into four parts:''
__Part One__
In which we are introduced to a standard, not particularly interesting anime, in which an unwilling fourteen year old boy pilots a giant robot to fight giant monsters, beating them at roughly the rate of one per episode.
__Part Two__
In which it gradually becomes apparent that more is going on that we previously realized. The giant robot is largely biological and to some extent self-aware. There's some kind of conspiracy going on behind the scenes involving prophecy from the Dead Sea Scrolls. A new character arrives from Germany, upsetting the previous, boring character dynamics.
__Part Three__
In which things really get weird. The giant robot turns out to be made from the giant monsters. There's an anonymous group behind the other conspiracy group. Some people are working in a counter-conspiracy. Some characters are clones or something of other characters. Some of the characters are killed. The giant robot becomes fully self-aware and, by eating one of the giant monsters, obtains great power not yet demonstrated or explained. The creature called ADAM actually turns out to be LILITH, though what that means isn't explained. The last of the prophesied giant monsters has been defeated, and now everyone's plans can go into the endgame stages.
__Part Four__
In which the main character decides over the course of two excruciatingly long episodes that it's better to retreat into schizophrenia than to face the world. None of the questions raised in parts two and three are answered. The director personally appears at the end to give the audience the finger.
//Illuminated on the stage, from left to right are Shirley Simms (vocals), CLAUDIA Gonson (vocals, piano), the piano, John Woo (guitar), Sam Davol (cello), and STEPHIN Merritt (vocals, bouzouki). They are the MAGNETIC FIELDS. Before the stage in darkness are the AUDIENCE. They sit in row after row of identical chairs, bolted to the floor. Roughly ten rows back in the audience are a MAN and a WOMAN.//
//[The MAGNETIC FIELDS finish playing a song. STEPHIN begins tuning his bouzouki.]//
CLAUDIA: //(addressing the AUDIENCE in a friendly voice)// We have //The Charm of the Highway Strip// on vinyl on sale outside. We've joined the vinyl revolution. We're planning to release the rest of our albums on vinyl too. //69 Love Songs// should be available sometime next year.
//[The AUDIENCE applauds.]//
STEPHIN: //(deadpan to CLAUDIA, but into the microphone)// Please tell the audience not to applaud while I'm tuning.
CLAUDIA: Please don't applaud while Stephin's tuning.
//[The MAGNETIC FIELDS play some songs, then pause.]//
WOMAN: //(to MAN)// Ready?
WOMAN & MAN: RENO DAKOTA!
CLAUDIA: No, no. We have these set lists that tell us what to play, and we're all getting older now, so we don't remember anything that's not on them.
STEPHIN: //(to CLAUDIA, still into microphone, still deadpan)// Don't respond to the audience. It's gauche.
CLAUDIA: I'm just letting them know, so they won't waste their efforts.
//[The MAGNETIC FIELDS play more songs, then pause again.]//
WOMAN: FIDO!
CLAUDIA: You weren't listening. We have a setlist.
STEPHIN: //(in the same manner as before, though now he's addressing the AUDIENCE)// Please kill all shouting audience members. It's your responsibility. We can't jump of the stage and-
WOMAN: FIDO!
STEPHIN: //(same manner)// Someone please slap that woman.
Journal entries from September 2008.
I am sick, and my car is totally dead. This is not a particularly good week.
I have a new car. It is red and twenty years old, and has all kinds of things the previous one didn't, like a working speedometer and radio antenna. I no longer have a cold, but I do have debt. Fortunately to my stepdad ather than a bank, which means I pay no interest.
I also have a mere seventy-nine days left to get this shit together. I should get to work on that.
You want to know about stuff, eh? Well, you're probably after one of the links in the grey box to the left, then.
Things I use to maintain the site. Don't worry about it.
<html><a href="javascript:generateSEOFiles();">Run SEO Plugin</a></html>
<<tabs txtMoreTab "Missing" "Missing tiddlers" TabMoreMissing "Orphans" "Orphaned tiddlers" TabMoreOrphans "Timeline" "Timeline" TabTimeline "Shadowed" "Shadowed tiddlers" TabMoreShadowed>>
Journal entries organized by month.
Lengthier pieces I've separated from my blog entries. What makes a piece an article rather than just a blog entry? Hell if I know.
(This applies only to the Generate RSS By Tag Plugin. For copyright information of all other site contents, see [[Copyright]].)
Copyright (c) 2005-2008, BidiX (http://BidiX.info)
Redistribution and use in source and binary forms, with or without modification, are permitted provided that the following conditions are met:
* Redistributions of source code must retain the above copyright notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer.
* Redistributions in binary form must reproduce the above copyright notice, this list of conditions and the following disclaimer in the documentation and/or other materials provided with the distribution.
* Neither the name of BidiX nor the names of its contributors may be used to endorse or promote products derived from this software without specific prior written permission.
THIS SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED BY THE COPYRIGHT HOLDERS AND CONTRIBUTORS "AS IS" AND ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE ARE DISCLAIMED. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE COPYRIGHT OWNER OR CONTRIBUTORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS OR SERVICES; LOSS OF USE, DATA, OR PROFITS; OR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) HOWEVER CAUSED AND ON ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY, WHETHER IN CONTRACT, STRICT LIABILITY, OR TORT (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE OR OTHERWISE) ARISING IN ANY WAY OUT OF THE USE OF THIS SOFTWARE, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.
Brendan's job is to be awesome, so that I feel guilty about not being awesome and try harder. He writes <html><a href="http://xorph.com/anacrusis">Anacrusis</a> and co-writes <a href="http://hourofknowledge.com">The Children's Hour of Knowledge</a></html>, both of which are excellent. He's currently based in Portland, OR.
http://xorph.com/nfd
Actually, his name is Josh, but he's rarely called that, except by [[Naomi]]. (There are rules about when she calls him what, but I don't know them.) I don't really know what to say about Burney for some reason, so I'll fill this bit in later, unless I forget. [[Naomi]]'s boyfriend.
New Tiddler/Journal Macro Parameters
|!Parameter |!Description |
|label |The text of the button |
|prompt |The tooltip for the button |
|accessKey |The access key to trigger the button (specify a single letter; different browsers require a different modifier key like Alt- or Control-) |
|focus |Which of the edittable fields to default the focus to (eg, "title", "text", "tags") |
|template |The template to use to display the new tiddler (defaults to EditTemplate) |
|text |The default text for the new tiddler |
|title |The default title for the new tiddler |
|tag |A single tag to be applied to the new tiddler (repeat this parameter to specify multiple tags) |
Cesar is my best friend. We met when I rejoined the Rocky cast after returning from Santa Fe. If I talk about "Ceez", that is also him.
http://thegreatcootie.livejournal.com
Used in place of being awesome. In exceptional cases, it can be specified that something contains a large amount of awesome.
//That cd you burned me contains so much awesome!//
The content of this site, except where otherwise noted below, is copyright Wheeler Pryor, and is released under a <html><a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Licence</a>.</html> There is no requirement to <html><a href="mailto:ornithopter@killthefuture.com">let me know</a></html>. if you use any of my Creative Commons-licensed stuff, but I would appreciate it.
TiddlyWiki is the property of Jeremy Ruston, and is freely available under BSD Open Source Licence (the full text of which can be found in this page's source) from http://tiddlywiki.com.
Copyright information about the plugins used on the site can be found [[here|Plugin Copyright]].
The metaphoric demon who lives in my head. Just go read __The Screwtape Letters__. It'll be easier than me trying to explain Crabgrass to you.
Not a perfect man, but a good one.
* {{{DDD}}} - day of week in full (eg, "Monday")
* {{{ddd}}} - short day of week (eg, "Mon")
* {{{DD}}} - day of month
* {{{0DD}}} - adds a leading zero
* {{{DDth}}} - adds a suffix
* {{{WW}}} - ISO-8601 week number of year
* {{{0WW}}} - adds a leading zero
* {{{MMM}}} - month in full (eg, "July")
* {{{mmm}}} - short month (eg, "Jul")
* {{{MM}}} - month number
* {{{0MM}}} - adds leading zero
* {{{YYYY}}} - full year
* {{{YY}}} - two digit year
* {{{wYYYY}}} - full year with respect to week number
* {{{wYY}}} two digit year with respect to week number
* {{{hh}}} - hours
* {{{0hh}}} - adds a leading zero
* {{{hh12}}} - hours in 12 hour clock
* {{{0hh12}}} - hours in 12 hour clock with leading zero
* {{{mm}}} - minutes
* {{{0mm}}} - minutes with leading zero
* {{{ss}}} - seconds
* {{{0ss}}} - seconds with leading zero
* {{{am}}} or {{{pm}}} - lower case AM/PM indicator
* {{{AM}}} or {{{PM}}} - upper case AM/PM indicator
[[2008-11-13 (Thu) 15:53]]
[[2008-11-06 (Thu) 14:24]]
[[2008-10-21 (Tue) 14:45]]
[[2008-10-21 (Tue) 14:19]]
[[2008-09-24 (Wed) 00:09]]
[[2008-09-17 (Wed) 22:16]]
[[2008-09-07 (Sun) 16:35]]
[[2008-09-03 (Wed) 18:13]]
[[2008-08-27 (Wed) 17:01]]
[[2008-08-14 (Thu) 15:17]]
Omnipurpose positive adjective.
One-upping <html><a href="http://xkcd.com/37/">this xkcd</a></html> by actually //pronouncing// "[adjective]-ass [noun]" with the hyphen one word to the right (or writing it there, depending on medium).
//Don't Look Down// is my second blog. It was begun on June 8, 2008, closely following my cutting off two and a half years' worth of hair and breaking up with [[one and a third years' worth of girlfriend|Leah]].
My previous blog, Retrograde Motionless began in October of 2001, when I was a Junior in high school and ran across two different blogspot addresses and a livejournal before I gradually stopped updating, and after a few failed efforts to revive it, eventually declared it dead on the same day I started this blog.
If you're interested for some reason, Retrograde Motionless is spread across http://ornithopter.livejournal.com and http://motionless.blogspot.com. Before motionless, it was foremole.blogspot.com. That address has since been taken by a different blogspot blog, but all archives were preserved in the move to motionless.
| !To get | !Type this |h
| ''Bold'' | """''Bold''""" |
| //Italic// | """//Italic//""" |
| __Underline__ | """__Underline__""" (that's two underline characters) |
| --Strikethrough-- | """--Strikethrough--""" |
|"""//nowiki//""" | {{{"""//nowiki//""" or <nowiki>//nowiki//</nowiki>}}} |
|{{{Monospaced text}}} | """{{{Monospaced text}}}""" (also causes nowiki) |
| Superscript: 2^^3^^=8 | """2^^3^^=8""" |
| Subscript: a~~ij~~ = -a~~ji~~ | """a~~ij~~ = -a~~ji~~""" |
| @@highlight@@ | """@@highlight@@""" |
The highlight can also accept CSS syntax to directly style the text:
@@color:green;green coloured@@
@@background-color:#ff0000;color:#ffffff;red coloured@@
@@text-shadow:black 3px 3px 8px;font-size:18pt;display:block;margin:1em 1em 1em 1em;border:1px solid black;Access any CSS style@@
The monospace also functions as a block:
{{{
<html>
<ul>
<li>
<a href="http://killthefuture.com">Kill the Future</a>
</li>
</ul>
</html>
}}}
HTML can be used by enclosing it in """<html>""" tags.
A quiet guy most of the time. Lays a fake guilt trip better than any I've ever heard. [[Jessica]]'s boyfriend, maybe? It's complicated. They're very close, in any case.
''Gen''etically engin''eered''. Taken from Peter F. Hamilton's //Night's Dawn Trilogy//, which makes me a huge nerd, but it's a useful word. Can also be used as a verb. (to geneer)
/***
|''Name:''|GenerateRssByTagPlugin|
|''Description:''|Only tiddlers with a specific tag are inluded in the RSSFeed. If no tiddlers are selected then works as before. (see ticket #270: http://trac.tiddlywiki.org/tiddlywiki/ticket/270). <br>RssTag: <<option txtRssTag>>|
|''Version:''|1.0.2|
|''Date:''|Apr 20, 2007|
|''Source:''|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#GenerateRssByTagPlugin|
|''Author:''|BidiX (BidiX (at) bidix (dot) info)|
|''[[License]]:''|[[BSD open source license|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#%5B%5BBSD%20open%20source%20license%5D%5D ]]|
|''~CoreVersion:''|2.2.0 (Beta 5)|
***/
//{{{
version.extensions.GenerateRssByTagPlugin = {
major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 2,
date: new Date("Apr 20, 2007"),
source: 'http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#PasswordOptionPlugin',
author: 'BidiX (BidiX (at) bidix (dot) info',
coreVersion: '2.2.0 (Beta 5)'
};
if (!window.bidix) window.bidix = {}; // bidix namespace
bidix.generateRssByTag = function()
{
var s = [];
var d = new Date();
var u = store.getTiddlerText("SiteUrl");
// Assemble the header
s.push("<" + "?xml version=\"1.0\"" + " encoding='UTF-8' " + "?" + ">");
s.push("<rss version=\"2.0\">");
s.push("<channel>");
s.push("<title" + ">" + wikifyPlain("SiteTitle").htmlEncode() + "</title" + ">");
if(u)
s.push("<link>" + u.htmlEncode() + "</link>");
s.push("<description>" + wikifyPlain("SiteSubtitle").htmlEncode() + "</description>");
s.push("<language>en-us</language>");
s.push("<copyright>Copyright " + d.getFullYear() + " " + config.options.txtUserName.htmlEncode() + "</copyright>");
s.push("<pubDate>" + d.toGMTString() + "</pubDate>");
s.push("<lastBuildDate>" + d.toGMTString() + "</lastBuildDate>");
s.push("<docs>http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss</docs>");
s.push("<generator>TiddlyWiki " + version.major + "." + version.minor + "." + version.revision + "</generator>");
// The body
var tiddlers;
if (config.options.txtRssTag && store.getTaggedTiddlers(config.options.txtRssTag).length > 0)
tiddlers = store.getTaggedTiddlers(config.options.txtRssTag,"modified");
else
tiddlers = store.getTiddlers("modified","[[excludeLists]]");
var n = config.numRssItems > tiddlers.length ? 0 : tiddlers.length-config.numRssItems;
for (var t=tiddlers.length-1; t>=n; t--)
s.push(tiddlers[t].saveToRss(u));
// And footer
s.push("</channel>");
s.push("</rss>");
// Save it all
return s.join("\n");
};
//
// Initializations
//
bidix.generateRss = generateRss; // backup core version
generateRss = bidix.generateRssByTag; // install new one
config.options.txtRssTag = "toRSS"; // default RssTag. use <<option txtRssTag>> to overwritte
merge(config.optionsDesc,{txtRssTag: "Only tiddlers with this tag will be included in the RSS Feed."});
//}}}
Brief definitions of people and events that predate this blog.
Harper was two years behind me in [[high school|Chamblee High School]], and after I graduated she changed schools and was friends with [[Cesar]], but despite what you might think, I didn't meet Ceez through her. She was kind of annoying in high school, since I always felt like she was trying to impress everyone, but she was really cool when she wasn't doing that, and since we've become reacquainted after high school she's only been cool Harper. [[Michael]]'s girlfriend.
A.k.a. things I probably shouldn't say online if I'm going to use my real name.
A.k.a. shit no one can blackmail me for now, motherfuckers, 'cause I already told the whole damn world!
/***
| Name:|InstantTimestamp|
| Created by:|SimonBaird|
| Location:|http://simonbaird.com/mptw/#InstantTimestamp|
| Version:|1.0.4 (06-Apr-2006)|
| Requires:|~TW2.x|
!Description
If you enter {ts} in your tiddler content (without the spaces) it will be replaced with a timestamp when you save the tiddler. Full list:
* {ts} or {t} -> timestamp
* {ds} or {d} -> datestamp
* !ts or !t at start of line -> !!timestamp
* !ds or !d at start of line -> !!datestamp
(I added the extra ! since that's how I like it. Remove it from translations below if required)
!Notes
* Change the timeFormat and dateFormat below to suit your preference.
* See also AutoCorrectPlugin
!History
* 06-Apr-06, version 1.0.4
** removed the AutoCorrect stuff and put it in AutoCorrectPlugin
* 05-Apr-06, version 1.0.3
** now have exclusion by tag and tiddler name, probably less important here than in AutoCorrectPlugin
* 05-Apr-06, version 1.0.2
** put matches into array to and eval them to allow generic substitutions
* 05-Apr-06, version 1.0.1
** added ds for datestamp as suggested by DanielBaird
** made case insensitive
** Added translation for !t at start of line
* 05-Apr-06, version 1.0.0
** written after suggestion by Achim Wessling
!Code
***/
//{{{
version.extensions.InstantTimestamp = { major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 4, date: new Date(2006,4,6),
source: "http://simonbaird.com/mptw/#InstantTimestamp"
};
config.InstantTimestamp = {
timeFormat: 'mmm DDth, YYYY hh12:0mm:0ss am',
dateFormat: 'mmm DDth, YYYY',
translations: [
[/^!ts?$/img, "'!!'+now.formatString(config.InstantTimestamp.timeFormat)"],
[/^!ds?$/img, "'!!'+now.formatString(config.InstantTimestamp.dateFormat)"],
[/\{ts?\}/ig, "now.formatString(config.InstantTimestamp.timeFormat)"],
[/\{ds?\}/ig, "now.formatString(config.InstantTimestamp.dateFormat)"]
],
excludeTags: [
"noAutoCorrect",
"CSS",
"css",
"systemConfig",
"zsystemConfig",
"Plugins",
"Plugin",
"plugins",
"plugin",
"javascript",
"code"
],
excludeTiddlers: [
"StyleSheet",
"StyleSheetLayout",
"StyleSheetColors",
"StyleSheetPrint"
]
};
if (!Array.prototype.contains)
Array.prototype.contains = function(item) {
return (this.find(item) != null);
};
if (!Array.prototype.containsAny)
Array.prototype.containsAny = function(items) {
for (var i=0;i<items.length;i++)
if (this.contains(items[i]))
return true;
return false;
};
TiddlyWiki.prototype.saveTiddler_mptw_instanttimestamp = TiddlyWiki.prototype.saveTiddler;
TiddlyWiki.prototype.saveTiddler = function(title,newTitle,newBody,modifier,modified,tags) {
tags = (typeof(tags) == "string") ? tags.readBracketedList() : tags;
var conf = config.InstantTimestamp;
if ( !tags.containsAny(conf.excludeTags)
&& !conf.excludeTiddlers.contains(newTitle) ) {
var now = new Date();
var trans = config.InstantTimestamp.translations;
for (var i=0;i<trans.length;i++) {
newBody = newBody.replace(trans[i][0], eval(trans[i][1]));
}
}
return this.saveTiddler_mptw_instanttimestamp(title,newTitle,newBody,modifier,modified,tags);
}
//}}}
Capitalized because it is a Cosmic Force.
Jessica's mannerisms are oddly similar to [[Cesar]]'s, which makes them bear some resemblance to mine, since I absorb mannerism from my close friends. (Possibly an INFP thing? I have no idea.) She's quick to snap, which can give the impression that she doesn't like you, and makes her the second most intimidating one of my friends (after [[Michael]]), but she's quick to forgive too, though she won't tell you that. She's [[Gary]]'s girlfriend, maybe? I understand their relationship well enough to know I don't understand it very well. Certainly they're very close.
Kill the Future is the personal website of Wheeler Pryor, who in no way advocates violence against things which have not yet occurred. Currently it only contains his blog and a scratchpad for fragmentary ideas.
This site is in no way affiliated with <html><a href="http://www.myspace.com/praisethewhoresacrificethevirgin">the Brunswick, Maryland band of the same name</a></html>.
Short. Pretty. Has curly hair. Has seven hundred thousand different email addresses. Was my girlfriend from late January 2007 to mid May 2008. Relationship quietly, indirectly hostile since [[The Post-Break-Up Break-Up]], and largely consists of not talking to each other when we happen to be in the same place.
[[About]]
[[Archive]]
[[Friends]]
[[Glossary]]
[[Slang]]
[[Articles]]
[[Links|links]]
<html><a href="index.xml">RSS</a><br />
<a href="http://syndicated.livejournal.com/kill_the_future/profile">LJ Feed</a></html>
I am Mayor of the Internet until June 13, 2013.
Can be possibly the most intimidating person I've ever met, which makes him good to have around in unpleasant places. Makes his own weapons. [[Harper]]'s boyfriend.
I was four when my parents got divorced. My only memory of the whole thing is that I was standing in the living room looking toward the front door, which someone had just slammed behind them, ending the screaming fight that had been going on, and it's still and quiet and awkward.
Afterward, [[my sister]] and I lived with [[my dad|Dad]] until I was in [[the eighth grade|The Eighth Grade]], and spent alternate weekends at a series of apartments that [[my mom|Mom]] lived in.
Laughs frequently and in a tremendous variety of ways, most of them loud. Has neat clothing and a tiny hat, but takes way too long putting on her neat clothing and tiny hat. Slow to get moving (usually making Burney late too), but a lot of fun once she shows up. [[Burney]]'s girlfriend.
Used at the end of sentences as request for confirmation, often rhetorical. Pretty much identical to "right?" or "yeah?". Used almost exclusively over IM and similar mediums for some reason.
''Ob''sessive''-com''pulsive. Taken from Philip K. Dick's //Clan's of the Alphane Moon//, which again, makes me a huge nerd, but again, it's useful. Describes mild compulsive behavior such as an urge to make things symmetrical or a drive toward accuracy in language beyond the point of "I know what you mean", mostly in myself. Never used to describe extreme examples of obsessive-compulsive behavior such as repeatedly washing one's hands or touching a doorknob with each elbow thirty-seven times before turning it.
An ornithopter is a flying machine that propels itself and steers entirely by moving its wings, essentially an artificial bird. It is also a 0/2 flying artifact creature with no summoning cost in Magic: the Gathering and the type of aircraft used in the Dune series, but neither of those is what I had in mind when I took the name.
My real name is Wheeler Pryor, and I currently live in Atlanta, Georgia and work as a projectionist at two movie theaters owned by the same company. I can be reached by email at <html><a href="mailto:ornithopter@killthefuture.com">ornithopter@killthefuture.com</a> or in the comments on <a href="http://syndicated.livejournal.com/kill_the_future/profile">the blog's LJ Feed</a></html>.
Insane. [[William]]'s girlfriend.
''Instant Timestamp'' and the ''Rename Tags'' plugins are the property of Simon Baird and are available from http://mptw2.tiddlyspot.com under the same BSD Open Source Licence as ~TiddlyWiki. The ''Word Count Macro'' plugin is available from the same author and under the same license from http://wordcountmacro.tiddlyspot.com.
The ''SEO TiddlyWiki'' plugin is the property of <html><a href="http://superphysique.net">Super Physique</a>, and is released under a <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/">Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Licence</a>.</html>
The ''Generate RSS By Tag'' plugin is property of <html><a href="http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info">BidiX</a></html> and is available under [[this license|BidiX License]].
The ''Tiddler Encryption'' plugin (available <html><a href="http://remotely-helpful.com/TiddlyWiki/TiddlerEncryptionPlugin.html">here</a>) is property of <a href="http://remotely-helpful.com">Lyall Pearce</a> and is released under a <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/">Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 License</a></html>.
The currently installed plugins and closely related documents are listed to the left.
This tag is really just for my use. For information on the plugins the best place to look is their authors' pages, which are all linked from the [[Plugin Copyright]] tiddler.
PluginManager
Always sarcastic. Always. And whenever I'm being sarcastic, this is what I say.
The //Rocky Horror Picture Show//. I am on an Atlanta-area cast called Lambda Psi Phi, and have been since 2002 (with an extended absence while I lived in Santa Fe). We perform at the <html><a href="http://www.galaxyfunplex.com/movies/index_peachtree.php">Galaxy Funplex on Peachtree Parkway</a></html> at midnight Saturday night, and we would love to see you there.
/***
| Name:|RenameTagsPlugin|
| Purpose:|Allows you to easily rename tags|
| Creator:|SimonBaird|
| Source:|http://simonbaird.com/mptw/#RenameTagsPlugin|
| Version:|1.0.1 (5-Mar-06)|
!Description
If you rename a tiddler/tag that is tagging other tiddlers this plugin will ask you if you want to rename the tag in each tiddler where it is used. This is essential if you use tags and ever want to rename them. To use it, open the tag you want to rename as a tiddler (it's the last option in the tag popup menu), edit it, rename it and click done. You will asked if you want to rename the tag. Click OK to rename the tag in the tiddlers that use it. Click Cancel to not rename the tag.
!Example
Try renaming [[Plugins]] or [[CSS]] on this site.
!History
* 1.0.1 (5-Mar-06) - Added feature to allow renaming of tags without side-effect of creating a tiddler
* 1.0.0 (5-Mar-06) - First working version
!Code
***/
//{{{
version.extensions.RenameTagsPlugin = {
major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 0,
date: new Date(2006,3,5),
source: "http://simonbaird.com/mptw/#RenameTagsPlugin"
};
config.macros.RenameTagsPlugin = {};
config.macros.RenameTagsPlugin.prompt = "Rename the tag '%0' to '%1' in %2 tidder%3?";
// these are very useful, perhaps they should be in the core
if (!store.addTag) {
store.addTag = function(title,tag) {
var t=this.getTiddler(title); if (!t || !t.tags) return;
t.tags.push(tag);
};
};
if (!store.removeTag) {
store.removeTag = function(title,tag) {
var t=this.getTiddler(title); if (!t || !t.tags) return;
if (t.tags.find(tag)!=null) t.tags.splice(t.tags.find(tag),1);
};
};
store.saveTiddler_orig_tagrename = store.saveTiddler;
store.saveTiddler = function(title,newTitle,newBody,modifier,modified,tags) {
if (title != newTitle && this.getTaggedTiddlers(title).length > 0) {
// then we are renaming a tag
var tagged = this.getTaggedTiddlers(title);
if (confirm(config.macros.RenameTagsPlugin.prompt.format([title,newTitle,tagged.length,tagged.length>1?"s":""]))) {
for (var i=0;i<tagged.length;i++) {
store.removeTag(tagged[i].title,title);
store.addTag(tagged[i].title,newTitle);
// if tiddler is visible refresh it to show updated tag
story.refreshTiddler(tagged[i].title,false,true);
}
}
if (!this.tiddlerExists(title) && newBody == "") {
// dont create unwanted tiddler
return null;
}
}
return this.saveTiddler_orig_tagrename(title,newTitle,newBody,modifier,modified,tags);
}
//}}}
<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/loose.dtd">
<html>
<head>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
<title>SITE_TITLE: TIDDLER_TITLE</title>
<meta name="description" content="SITE_SUBTITLE">
<meta name="keywords" content="TIDDLER_KEYWORDS">
<script language="JavaScript" type="text/javascript">
location.href = 'TIDDLER_URL';
</script>
<base href="TIDDLER_URL">
</head>
<body>
<noscript>
<a href="TIDDLER_URL">TIDDLER_TITLE</a>
</noscript>
TIDDLER_CONTENT
</body>
</html>
function generateSEOFiles()
{
// last update: 2007-02-14 by Fabrice Proudhon
// http://www.superphysique.net#%5B%5BSEO%20TiddlyWiki%20Plugin%5D%5D
var originalPath = document.location.toString();
if(originalPath.substr(0,5) != "file:")
{
alert(config.messages.notFileUrlError);
if(store.tiddlerExists(config.messages.saveInstructions))
story.displayTiddler(null,config.messages.saveInstructions);
return;
}
var y = [];
var g = [];
var localPath = getLocalPath(originalPath);
var c = store.getTiddlerText("SEOTiddlyWikiConfig");
var su = store.getTiddlerText("SiteUrl");
var st = wikifyPlain("SiteTitle");
var sbt = wikifyPlain("SiteSubtitle");
var htmlPath = localPath.substr(0,localPath.lastIndexOf("\\"));
var tiddlers = store.getTiddlers("modified","excludeSearch");
g.push('<url><loc>' + su.htmlEncode() + '</loc></url>');
y.push(su.htmlEncode());
for (var t=0; t<tiddlers.length; t++) {
var content = c;
var filename = tiddlers[t].title.htmlEncode();
filename = filename.toLowerCase();
filename = filename.replace(/ |\/|@/gi, '-');
filename = filename.replace(/(-)\1+/gi, '$1');
content = content.replace(/SITE_TITLE/gi, st.htmlEncode());
content = content.replace(/SITE_SUBTITLE/gi, sbt.htmlEncode());
content = content.replace(/TIDDLER_TITLE/gi, tiddlers[t].title.htmlEncode());
content = content.replace(/TIDDLER_URL/gi, su.htmlEncode() + '#' + String.encodeTiddlyLink(tiddlers[t].title));
content = content.replace(/TIDDLER_KEYWORDS/gi, tiddlers[t].tags.join(',').htmlEncode());
content = content.replace(/TIDDLER_CONTENT/gi, wikifyStatic(tiddlers[t].text,null,tiddlers[t]).htmlEncode());
content = content.replace(/</gi, '<');
content = content.replace(/>/gi, '>');
content = content.replace(/"/gi, '"');
var d = tiddlers[t].modified.getFullYear() + '-';
if (tiddlers[t].modified.getMonth() + 1 < 10) d = d + '0';
d = d + (tiddlers[t].modified.getMonth() + 1) + '-';
if (tiddlers[t].modified.getDate() < 10) d = d + '0';
d = d + tiddlers[t].modified.getDate();
for (var ta=0; ta<tiddlers[t].tags.length; ta++) {
var tag = tiddlers[t].tags[ta].toLowerCase();
g.push('<url><loc>' + su.htmlEncode() + escape(tag) + '/' + escape(filename) + '.htm' + '</loc><lastmod>' + d + '</lastmod></url>');
y.push(su.htmlEncode() + escape(tag) + '/' + escape(filename) + '.htm');
saveFile(htmlPath + '\\' + tag + '\\' + filename + '.htm', convertUnicodeToUTF8(content));
}
}
saveFile(htmlPath + '\\urllist.txt', convertUnicodeToUTF8(y.join('\n')));
saveFile(htmlPath + '\\sitemap.xml', '<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?><urlset xmlns="http://www.google.com/schemas/sitemap/0.84">\n' + convertUnicodeToUTF8(g.join('\n')) + '</urlset>');
displayMessage('SEO files created', '');
}
Science has two definitions:
1. Anything I am willing to suspend my disbelief for. ("In //Jurassic Park// how did they know which dinosaur's DNA they had?" "Science.") The opposite of science is magic. (//Star Trek: Voyager// is science fiction that runs on magic.)
2. Faultless logic. Chiefly used in arguments. ("You can't argue with that; it's science!") Note that logic need not actually be faultless for me to call it science, and that it often isn't. ("You're adding one half and one half. One plus one is two, and two plus two is four, so you get two fourths, and two divided by four is one half, so one half plus one half is one half. Science!") The opposite of science is not-science.
<<search>><<saveChanges>><<closeAll>><<permaview>><<newJournal label:"new journal" title:"YYYY-0MM-0DD (ddd) 0hh:0mm" tag:2008-11 tag:toRSS tag:excludeLists focus:text>><<newTiddler>>[[Admin]]<<slider chkSliderOptionsPanel OptionsPanel "options »" "Change TiddlyWiki advanced options">>
<<tabs txtMainTab
"Tags" "All tags" TabTags "Recent" "The 10 Most Recent Entries" DefaultTiddlers "All" "All Tiddlers" TabAll>>
some kind of blog or something
http://www.killthefuture.com/blog/
This way I am unincomprehensible.
Over time, most slang becomes [[obsolete|Obsolete Slang]].
When I was in the eighth grade, [[my dad|Dad]], who [[my sister]] and I had lived with since [[my parents divorced|My Parents' Divorce]] when I was four, started drinking again (both of my parents have been through AA; neither of them ever beat me or my sister), he and my stepmother, [[Julie]], divorced, Dad moved to Tennessee (where he's originally from) with me and my sister, and he and [[my mom|Mom]] had a legal battle over custody of me and my sister. During this I turned fourteen, which is old enough to legally decide which parent I wanted to live with, meaning that both parents commenced mudslinging campaigns against the other to get me to side with them. In the end, I stayed with my sister and both of us ended up living with our mom.
As a result of [[the eighth grade|The Eighth Grade]], most of my belongings were stored in an abandoned factory owned by [[my grandfather|Pops]], which burned down a few years later. Mine, [[my sister's|my sister]], and [[my dad's|Dad]] things still inside.
It started early Sunday morning at Rocky.
Well, before that, was [[the post I made about her starting smoking again|2008-07-12 (Sat) 15:56]], but that doesn't come up again. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know about it. So after that, it started early Sunday morning at Rocky.
Wait. I guess to understand that you need context. We broke up about two months ago, and decided to remain friends, which, yes, I know that almost never works out, but it honestly sounded like it would. However, I hadn't heard from her since then, with the exception of the few times her internet was broken and she'd called me to come fix it. Whenever I called her, she would sound enthusiastic about doing something together, but would always be busy. It wasn't a lie, really, she was very busy, but she made time to see other people.
Which brings us to the beginning again. Early Sunday morning at Rocky. Between scenes one or the other of us was needed for, I tell her I feel like she's avoiding me, and she does her best to reassure me that's not the case without actually saying anything to make me feel I'm mistaken in this impression. We aren't able to talk much, and afterward she goes off with her friends, so our conversation remains unfinished. I go home, and that's where [[this incoherent rant|2008-07-13 (Sun) 03:22]] comes in. I sleep it off, and the next day [[this much calmer post|2008-07-13 (Sun) 15:43]] follows.
About forty minutes after that post (4:18pm), I get a txt from her, which she actually sent before the incoherent rant, but which I didn't get for thirteen hours because the cell signal at my house sucks. It says she sees me as a good Rocky friend, but that she has no desire to see me outside of Rocky.^^1^^ "Whatever,"^^2^^ I promptly reply. Roughly two hours pass, and I send her another text: "That's not friendship. That's you not minding if you run into me from time to time." Roughly three and a half hours after that I send her two more txts. The first, explains that I'm more angry about her not talking to me than about anything else, and the second, sent a few minutes later says that I obviously should have expected this treatment since "everything I do is a fucking disappointment."^^3^^ a half hour later, [[I introduce everyone to Crabgrass|2008-07-13 (Sun) 22:23]], and then take my lunch break. Despite the timestamp on that post, it's actually about 11:15pm at this point. I spend the first part calming myself down, until at about 11:30pm, when I still haven't heard back from her, I give up and send her what I expect to be the final txt of the "conversation". I say she clearly doesn't want to talk to me and tell her "Have fun. And don't forget to breathe sometimes."
At 11:44pm, seconds after [[I post about the dull sky that night|2008-07-13 (Sun) 23:44]], she finally responds. She tells me she doesn't understand what I meant when I said to remember to breathe, and she says she's busy studying^^4^^ and doesn't want to talk to me when I'm mad, so she'll email me "in a couple days" when I've had time to cool down.^^5^^ I txt her back explaining it's a reminder to relax and saying, "We can't talk about this without my being angry, and you always have to study. Therefore^^6^^ we can't talk about this."
After this, I get an email, and the conversation switches mediums.
[[The Post-Break-Up Break-Up, Part 02]]
^^1^^I'm going to paraphrase all her txts and emails, because I don't feel right about reproducing her words without her permission, and I sure as fuck ain't gonna ask for it. I've done my best to avoid creating pro-me bias in this process, but I expect it's snuck in anyhow. Footnotes, however, as my after-the-fact commentary, have a blatant pro-me bias that I do not attempt to hide. .
^^2^^Unfortunately, I don't save any of my outgoing txts to decrease the frequency with which I have to go through all the txts on my phone and erase them to free up space, so these are approximations from memory. My emails, though, are verbatim (except to correct spelling errors and where noted).
^^3^^I'm referring here to my perception of her attitude towards me over the last few months of our relationship prior to our breaking up.
^^4^^She studies constantly. Far, far too much, in my opinion, and you will doubtlessly notice evidence that her willingness to abandon me in favor of studying has repeatedly been a point of contention in our relationship.
^^5^^Because not hearing from someone I'm trying to have a serious conversation with for two days always makes me calmer.
^^6^^Yes, I said "therefore" in a fit of rage.
//The subject line of the email is "from leah- free movie info". This is never explained, and I never ask, there being more pressing items on the agenda. Despite the incongruity, that subject line is retained throughout the conversation, so that gmail will consider all the emails a single conversation.//
''From Leah''^^1^^'':''
I want to stay friends with you, and I thought it would be possible, but every time I've hung out with you without other people around it reminds of of how miserable I was when we were together. I've been both physically^^2^^ and emotionally miserable for too long, and even if I have to hurt you (and I don't want to), it has to stop.
I don't like being attacked for what I consider bullshit reasons. Studying isn't doing anything wrong, and I resent being made to feel that my being a good student is the wrong thing to do. You know how hard I study. I have two really difficult classes right now, and I'm seriously considering applying to med school, so every grade counts.
My classes will be over a the end of the month, so if you want to try to hang out, that's the time to do it.
Don't respond unless absolutely necessary^^3^^: It'll most likely just make us both angrier, and maybe even stir up things already settled^^4^^.
[[The Post-Break-Up Break-Up, Part 03]]
^^1^^Again, all emails from her are paraphrased, because I don't feel I have the right to reproduce her words. Emails from me are verbatim other than where noted.
^^2^^This refers to medical problems, and in no way indicates that I struck her.
^^3^^Obviously, I deemed it "absolutely necessary" to reply, since 'd been trying to have a conversation with her for almost 24 hours at this point.
^^4^^"Things already settled" in this context means things she's still mad about, but that she doesn't want to mention.
''From me:''
I'm not attacking you for studying. I don't object to your studying.^^1^^ What I have a problem with is that every time I call you (and you never call me), you're too busy, but you say maybe later you'll have time. And then later (when I call you again), you're still busy. You make time to hang out with other people, but you don't even call me unless your internet is broken. I feel like you keep saying you want to be friends with me, but that you're lying when you say it. Case in point: "if (I've made it clear I do) you want to try (try?) to hang out, that's (the future, again) the time to do it."^^2^^
I said when we broke up that it wouldn't be easy for us to be friends.^^3^^ If we never talk to each other, it's impossible.
What do you mean you felt miserable? (Trying to understand here. Not angry. Not attacking.) Physically, I assume you mean your wrist and ovary^^4^^, but emotionally? I mean, I know neither of us was very happy with the other toward the end there, but you make it sound like the entire experience of dating me was constant emotional torture. I don't understand.
[[The Post-Break-Up Break-Up, Part 04]]
^^1^^These statements are both technically true, but I overlook the finer point in the heat of the argument. I ''am'' attacking her for what I consider to be over-preparation and for studying in lieu of spending time with me.
^^2^^Edited to match paraphrasing of previous letter.
^^3^^She didn't believe me at the time, which is odd in light of what this conversation reveals about her feelings towards me.
^^4^^The aforementioned medical problems. I'm not going to go in to detail, since it's her business and not important in understanding this conversation, but both happened while we were dating and both required surgery.
''From Leah:''
"if (You seem so angry, I thought you might've changed your mind) you want to try to hang out (without either of us getting mad or upset), that's (after I stop being so busy) the time to do it."
This is exactly what I didn't want stirred up, because I didn't want us to start getting mad about things that happened months ago. It wasn't our whole relationship that was bad, it just went on too long.^^1^^ The easier to explain things are (1) It was awful to be in a relationship with someone I did/do not love.^^2^^ (2) I felt like staying in a relationship with someone who lied to me^^3^^ violated my relationship values and beliefs.
That's all I'm going to say. I would rather you not understand, than be hurt.
You're not the only one I don't call. I don't call anyone to catch up. I make all my plans via email.
[[The Post-Break-Up Break-Up, Part 05]]
^^1^^This is absolutely true, and I'll touch on that in the next email.
^^2^^The obvious solution to this predicament is to break off the relationship. Notice that anything she